Today didn’t get off to a great start, because I didn’t get up in time to exercise (my new routine — again!) because I was tired from staying up too late last night. But, when I did get up, I was ready to start studying before nine (mainly because I didn’t bother showering!). I did quite a bit of work, then showered.
Phone
I had to phone the vet at some point to get a repeat prescription for kidney tablets for my poor cat. She’s actually improved since taking them, so that’s a good thing. I didn’t know if I had to make an appointment or what, so that increased the anxiety levels there. I was on a strict deadline with this call, though. I had to make sure there were some for when the current packet runs out. There were three left. I made the call. I’d only been putting it off since yesterday, as well, so I’m actually quite pleased with myself. I don’t think I came across as idiotic on the phone, just unsure, which I was, so that’s fair. After what I wanted was clarified, it was fine. And once I’d got into the conversation, I forgot all about the anxiety.
Not eating
I got dressed, put some washing in, did a bit more work and went to the vet. This might sound like it didn’t take long, but it took quite a while, actually. Lots of avoiding going on. Also avoiding eating. It’s not that I’m anorexic (I’m overweight, hence the recommencement of the exercise regime), it’s that I see it as yet something else that’ll take up even more time that I don’t have because I’ve been procrastinating and avoiding. It’s like it’s optional. So I didn’t have breakfast or lunch today.
Tablets
I got the tablets from the vet, and updated her on my cat’s progress. She can be treated but not cured. It upsets me to think about it.
Tesco
After the vet, I went to Tesco. I was dithering over plants I shouldn’t be buying, when I realised my trolley was blocking the way for a little old lady. I apologised and moved it. She said it was ok, she was only looking. She moved to the other side, and I glanced at her a few times, wondering if I might just dare to strike up a conversation, and if so, what I might say. Then I found myself chatting to her! She used to work in a florist’s and she can keep plants alive for a fair while, but then they die eventually. Again, once I’d got into the conversation, I forgot all about the anxiety.
Eating
Thinking that I should eat, I got a sausage roll in Tesco to eat in the car in the carpark, but when I got back to the car, there was a four-by-four parked in front of me, with the fattest woman in the driver’s seat, shoving crisps into her fat face. I shouldn’t judge, but I thought that she’d be better off walking round the shop herself, instead of putting even more calories into her system. That put me right off eating my sausage roll, I can tell you. I hate it when I got home, instead.
Overall
So overall, while today wasn’t a perfect success, it still gave me a sense of achievement because I did social things I’m usually to scared to do.
categories: General
tags: dithering, helping myself, hopeful, progress
I am panicking. I have only a few days left to finish my thesis and resubmit. It’s really not going to happen. Hence, the panic. The picture from Anxiety Cat (link in list of disordered blogs) pretty much sums it up.